BLAZE

The biggest disappointment of my life, old man Blaze Bayley, has learned to sing!!! Remembering his funereal participation on "X-Factor" by the great Maidens, I'll admit I boycotted every solo exercise by the aforementioned gentleman. But when a double-disc live album fell into my hands — well, I thought, time to have some fun. I pulled out a dictionary of not-entirely-polite expressions, jotted down a couple dozen cutting barbs, and sat down to write the review. I put the disc in, and then it HIT me!!!... [For visual accompaniment, you may watch the EMINEM video for Stan.] Forgive me, Blaze, I was wrong. You rule!!! You rule beyond all measure!!!... Every one of your songs is superb! Your vocals are infernal! You get the crowd fired up at half a turn — even through a CD player! Flies, upon sensing Kill & Destroy through the membranes of their legs, lose mid-flight navigation and fall victim to a nuclear strike from a rolled-up newspaper. And now I want to get my hands on all your albums!!! Especially the one with Two Worlds Collide. Even Sign Of The Cross, which you so butchered in the original, has now gone from my most-hated to my number-one classic!!! And no matter how much your skater-boy baseball cap makes me cringe, my friend — allow me, through this review, to shake your manly hand and thereby acknowledge your undeniable talent with the deepest of respect...